God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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