My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
