What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
