My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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