$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
