I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Come on in and take your pants off
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