my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
