I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
