WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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