He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i will never coherently bang her
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
