conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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