as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
