so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
