Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
