i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
