Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
