ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
