peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
