I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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