hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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