I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
