so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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