hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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