I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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