Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
