I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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