So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The air was thick with penises
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
