Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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