bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you never un-have a 4some
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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