So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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