you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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