I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
