I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
