He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
