Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
