Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
