He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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