she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
