Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
