Who did Billy Mays play for?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
