he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
