Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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