Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Congratulations! We have a period
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
