Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
