i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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