she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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