Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
