I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
