I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
