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My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
try to milk me bitch
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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