If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This is my gift to your gina
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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