That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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