Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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