Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I deserve this hangover.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
