Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
