Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
