I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
