so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
