Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and she was petting her beer can
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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