yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
