I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
