So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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