Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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