you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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