A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
