We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
