Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
