You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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