I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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